I might as well learn to like myself since I take myself everywhere I go!

Lately I've been realizing how important it is not to compare myself to everyone else and just look at all the ways I don't measure up.  Admittedly, that's a fault I have! I live around some incredible women! I always look at women who look perfect all the time, have perfect houses, their children behave perfectly, they always seem to do and say the right thing, blah, blah, blah...... You know who you are and you also know I love you, but when I try to be just like you, I don't end up very happy! I've decided that I'm TIRED OF IT! That's why I'm blogging my flaws and admitting them with a smile!  I'll just let you be you and I'll be the quirky me who tries to improve at a sane pace for me. I joke about being ADHD/OCD, but there's a lot of truth to that. I have all of these perfectionist characteristics, but I'm ALL OVER THE PLACE in trying to achieve my high ideals. Here's a little glimpse of what it feels like to be me.... I decide to clean my room. I pick up some dirty clothes and it reminds me that I should start some laundry. I do that, but while I'm in the laundry room, I see that the kids shoes need cleaned so I start that. Then I go in my room to get the shoe polish and remember that I'm supposed to be cleaning my room so I start with my desk. I go to put something in the closet and realize that the closet REALLY needs cleaned out so I stand in my closet and  immediately pull ALL of the contents of my walk in closet out into the little walkway. I'm on the inside of the closet and begin the sorting/cleaning process. Stuff is piled all around me. I see some old photos and think, "Oh, I remember this! How fun! I wonder how so in so is doing? I need to call her." Then I begin looking for her phone number in my papers and come across an article that I've saved and meant to read. I think, "I'm not saving this forever! I better read it right now so I can throw it away!". I read the article and find out that it's good to put eye cream on twice a day so I dig for my eye cream and put some on. Feeling appropriately beautiful now, I continue cleaning. Wait! I realize that I don't have any bags or boxes to sort stuff in, but I'm actually buried inside my closet and can't climb over the piles I've made around me so I yell for my kids to bring me what I need. That starts a converstation with my kids where I remember to ask them something about homework which they bring me so I can sign it off. Finally I remember to tell them to get my bags and I kill time looking at interesting things until they remember to come back with them. In order to even have a place to sort, I end up having to hand books out of the closet for the kids to go and put on a shelf for me because, remember? I'm buried in the closet.....This could go on for a LONG time so I'll spare you the rest of the crazy details.  Just know that by the end of the day, not much is accomplished and if I compare myself to super mom down the street, I'm feeling pretty worthless.  So, even though I'm still working on  these things about myself that drive me crazy, I'm done comparing. 

I had a realization on Sunday that has changed the way I look at my personality and what REALLY matters. You'll never guess who the star of this story is.....SHANE! Is he an important person in my life or what!  I sent Shane grocery shopping at Whole Foods Market in Salt Lake on Saturday. I told him to buy me two bags of organic shortgrain brown rice. Being the obedient husband and GUY that he is, he did it and didn't question. $60 and 25 pounds of rice later, we didn't have much left in the budget for other things I wanted him to buy. I was mad at him even though it was my fault for not communicating better.   My woman's logic said he should have known that just because 25 pounds of organic brown rice can fit in two of those Whole Foods bags that I told him to fill, I didn't REALLY mean to buy 25 pounds! LOL! So after he told me how much he spent at Whole Foods, I told him to just buy the BARE minimuin that we needed at the other store and let me shop from now on. (you can bet he was thinking..."GOOD!!!!! You crazy woman!!!Shop all you want from now on!"). On Sunday, as I went to prepare dinner for his brother who was coming to stay with us, I didn't have anything that I needed and I was frustrated. I had no idea what to make.  My perfectionist side was getting really frustrated. I LOVE to cook for guests! I had to make something perfect! I had a really crappy attitude and was feeling all grumpy. Shane took the kids for a drive so that I could figure out what to do. I had a talk with myself and basically told myself to knock it off, appreciate how amazing Shane is, how lucky we are to have the blessings we do (we're certainly not going to starve anytime soon!), and to just enjoy time with Travis even if the food didn't end up being good. When I shut the comparing, perfectionistic woman up, I actually LOVE to laugh and have fun. I decided to chill out and let the "real" me out for the rest of the night and just have fun. When Shane and the kids came home, I was almost done making homemade noodles for chicken noodle soup, but my soup pot was sitting in my fridge with old spaghetti in it (Yes, I did just admit that! I do have an obsession with bleach though, and clean with it all the time to make up for my lack of cleaning out my fridge.) To clean out the pot, I dumped a TON of spaghetti down the disposal and promptly clogged it so bad that water was spurting up in the air whenever we turned it on! It was like a geiser!  It also ended up flooding filthy water into our dishwasher (along with spaghetti noodles) and was about to run onto the floor.  I decided that it was a good time to express to Shane what a stud he is as he fished out water, dumped it down the toilet, took apart the sink, fixed the disposal, and cleaned out the dishwasher. (Even though I was appreciative, I wasn't much help because I'm a nervous cook. I had all of this nervous energy since company was coming and our kitchen was a battle zone, so I decided to make cookies and homemade rolls. So Emma was on the table helping make cookies, Shane was doing all the disgusting disposal cleaning, and I was in the corner whipping up homemade rolls and cheering Shane on, telling him he's the hero, etc....) He could have been really mad at me for causing such a mess, but my appreciation for him went  a long way and he was so great about the whole thing! I realized what power my attitude has over my family.  He even told me that I'm "every woman" for making such a great meal without the right ingredients. We laughed and joked and flirted. When Travis came our kitchen was COVERED in dirty dishes and I didn't feel like dinner was great (I burned the rolls while flirting with Shane, making cookies with 3 kids, and cooking homemade soup, and watching my disposal flood) but we had a great time! The kids put on a show for Travis and we laughed at them until we had tears in our eyes.  This was a great night for me to remember because I've done the opposite where I've been so frustrated about my short comings and not appearing to "have it all together" that I've been grumpy to my family, especially in those kind of stressful situations.  I LOVED the feeling in our house on Sunday. That's why I'm done comparing and trying to be "PERFECT".  I'm embracing the crazy me who clogs the disposal, gets stuck in the closet, uses bleach to make up for not cleaning out my fridge, and accidentally tells Shane to buy 25 pounds of organic short-grain brown rice! Shane and my kids love me and love me to be the silly, imperfect woman I am. They like that much better than the miserable perfectionist, who tries to be like someone else. I LOVE to make them smile and if my being happy,even with all my imperfections does that, then here's to the happy, imperfect me!